I know what people foresee themselves doing and what they actually do are normally different, but I think somewhere mine seriously derailed. Not derailed in a bad sense necessarily, but it has taken me until now to really realize how different the two courses have been for me.
30 years old isn’t freaking me out, let’s get that out there in the open. I feel like I am in control of my life, really for the first time ever. I also feel like I am healthier, smarter, look better etc than I did 5 years ago. So that part isn’t so bad. But let me tell you about my vision that I somehow lost until recently.
When I was 17 years old, I got to go to the University of Florida for a journalism conference. It was
amazing …. there’s not a word big enough to go here. Late one night after a day of conferences, we snuck out of our dorm rooms, crossed the campus, into the football stadium….down the sidelines, to the 50 yard line, and laid down in the grass staring up at the stars. Life then seemed so GIGANTIC. Everything sparked curiosity in me.
I wanted to write. I wanted to write about everything. Politics, religion, travel, hell even cute puppies, I wanted to write about LIFE. I wanted to shoot film so good that National Geographics would one day put a picture of me taking a picture… on the cover of their magazine. I wanted to travel to ever country I’ve ever heard of, and be surprised when I ended up in countries I had never heard of. I wanted to eat food creations from all the corners of the globe. I wanted my own library, similar to the Library of Congress…. you know… a library so big and so full of books that it would take a lifetime to read them. I wanted to marry Indiana Jones… and be Lara Croft. Really.
But the way it all unfolded for me, was so very different. Shocking to most people who know me, because I tend to be stubborn and determined to get the things that I want. What they never knew, was the things I wanted most, intimidated me. That’s true in all aspects of my life. From love, to work, to my parenting skills.
But looking at 30… I am not full of remorse, I’ve done/seen some amazing things and I have a family that I am crazy about. I am also wise enough to see that all of those “things” I wanted, laying there on that 50 yard line in the SWAMP, daydreaming… are still obtainable.
What’s your dream? What is it that you want?