My blogging life really began back in January when my husband Russell and I decided it was time for us to separate from each other after 4 years of marriage and nearly 6 years together.
I was in turmoil. A turmoil that caused me to take a long look into who I am and what exactly I am all about. I went out and bought a new house, the girls and I moved. We started over… mostly. I wrote until my fingers ached from typing. I was angry, scared, disappointed, lonely, excitedly nervous for the future… and still being mom, co-worker, friend, daughter etc. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing.
It never really eased the fact that I looked for him all the time. Russell is my rock. Many people in my life called this my weakness. That I am dependant on him is a weakness. As time went on, we still saw each other… I couldn’t cut him completely out of my life and he couldn’t seem to either. Because at the end of the day, more than anything, he’s really my closest friend.
We’ve been down some long and windy roads together. He is my sounding board. He genuinely cares what happens to me. Even though we both thought what we needed was away from each other… when we were apart, we were always texting, IMing, or on the phone…. we called it just friends. We searched for a label that would make it make sense to us… to our families… it fooled no one.
We went on separate vacations from each other. This broke the camels back so to speak. It was give up completely or fix it time. Yes, even though I own my own house now… we hadn’t considered it completely terminated. Hope is a weird thing. Once our vacations were over, I was moved on. But then, he surprised me. Like only he really ever can. He built the bridge…. he came over to the dark side …. ( mwhahahahaha) and laid his weapons down. He broke my heart. His love was obvious.
At that point I realized…. that the bottom line, regardless of what my friends think, my parents think…. my blog readers think…. I don’t care. I do love him and he is my husband. We’re going to make mistakes, bad choices, fight over dumb things, hurt each other occasionally… but best friends are so incredibly hard to find, and I know that I have to keep mine.
June has always been my favorite month. June 12th is our 4 year Anniversary. This year, we are renewing our vows. We never had a wedding because it didn’t seem important to us at the time, we just wanted to be married. But now, we both see that it is important to take the time… to make sure that each of us know what we mean to the other.
Russell is a determined, obnoxious, proud, strong, loving, funny, spontaneous person… and I am so glad that we were “blinded by the light” before we let it disappear forever.