Last night turned into a pretty late one. We went out for our usual Thursday night pool league, but something was a little bit different about this one. This week I had to confront something that I had been dreading for months. Something that shouldn’t bother me in the least, actually made me so violently angry that I wanted to watch
baby seals die honestly strike that, I’ve never been that mad… but I did consider some angry visuals, trust me.
Anger is a weird thing. You can’t help but to feel it over certain things throughout life. Some are even so lame, that as you are feeling them, you’re also kicking yourself in the ass thinking… is it actual anger I am feeling right now? REALLY? Brain please SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!
Yep, that was me last night. Frustrated. Annoyed. Over-analyzing. Of course during which I was also trying to maintain playing pool. HA! That almost cost me dearly. I played some pretty pathetic pool last night, and normally, when I turn my A+ game on… I’m a force to be reckoned with. I was barely a warm breeze last night. I managed to pull off a win, but it was surely just mercy from God.
The pool matches had been ridiculously long, 8 ball should not take an hour… but it did. (5 games). When I finally sank the last ball, my heart leapt a little… then all the frustration I had been feeling from the night kind of flooded over me and sank me into the corner pocket right alongside the 8. I knew I had been beating myself. The ass kicking I was taking was all self-inflicted. There are not many things that will bring you more clarity than when you get yourself one-on-one and whip your own BUTT. Brutal.
The strangest thing happened this morning though, the sun came up again… it’s a new day… and now I’m armed…. Some things, you’ve just got to learn to let go, others are worth the fight and effort, and deciding which is which is not always as easy as it seems. But hey, you can’t win them all. At least I can’t… acceptance of that may be my hardest lesson ever.