As May sped through, I spent every free minute I had with him. We saw each other all the time. Time with him went by so quickly as we would shop, tour around Sacramento, San Francisco, or just do nothing. Our romance was a whirl wind but my move to England was looming. I had never been so emotionally torn in half.
Things at home were still shredded. We still tip toed past each other whenever we could. Our move across the globe kept us bickering all the time about money, sacrifice, and life. Instead of dealing with it, I would just go see Puerto Rico. I am in no way condoning what I did, but it is what I did. As June plowed through the date for me to leave became a constant reminder that life was about to change completely. June ended with my 21st birthday. It was looking like it was going to be a night at home with Hailey, because the money battle was still raging and our wounds were still fresh.
I was shocked to find out that Puerto Rico and a few of my other close friends had rented a limo for the night. They told me just a few days prior. They were taking me to San Francisco for the night to party it up right for my birthday and my going away party. In an odd attempt to mend fences I invited my husband. He wanted no part of it. As I felt defeated with him once again, I let go of any emotional hang up I had there and went out. I partied like a rock star that night with a small group of friends. Out and about I felt alive. My head out the sunroof of the limo was liberating, I was 21 years old.
The next day I went home, packed the last bit of our stuff into a car and headed cross country for 30 days of leave before we were off to England. As I crossed into Nevada on Interstate 80 the tears began to pour down. I knew I wouldn’t see Puerto Rico again. That chapter was closed as quickly as it had begun, I just didn’t understand why. Why something that seemed so right… finally… would go away so soon after beginning.
I turned to the constant in my life, questioning God why things never seemed to be what and where I wanted them to be. How things were so complicated. It seemed in this dark time, He was ignoring me. 30 days of leave flew by and I found myself sitting on a plane bound for RAF Mildenhall. The traveler in me was excited. The lover in me was devastated. The wife in me was hopeful for change. The mother in me pointed out the window. The little girl in me hid behind my seat.
As England came into view I couldn’t help but notice that the color green there was more vibrant than any green I had ever seen before. The land rose in the window to greet us and my mind was filed with sheer excitement.