, , , , , , ,

My second pregnancy was another lonely event for me. However, this time I was happy to be slowly gaining weight and preparing for our second daughters arrival. Since I would be getting out of the military, we would not be able to afford the rent at the house we were living in, so we had to move into a smaller townhouse.

Smaller is quite an understatement. We moved into 800 square feet of living space. 2 little bedrooms meant the baby and Hailey would be sharing a room. Hailey was definitely excited about having a little sister. She was my saving grace during all this. She would feel my tummy, and she liked to curl up in my recliner with me and take a nap with her baby sister and me.

As my date to separate from the Air Force became a reality, I nervously awaited what life as a stay at home mom would be like. No torturous guilt dropping a crying clingy baby off at daycare. A nice clean house with little finger painted pictures on the fridge. Dinner on the table for a happy  husband when he got home from work… I had the whole little image built in my mind.

Boy did I have a reality check coming.

As soon as I separated, his opinion of me seemed to alter. I went from being an equal to being… the maid, the cook, the mom…. Etc. He was king of his castle and would come and go as he wished, eat dinner in silence… get up from the table, leaving his mess, and go spend hours on the computer playing games. I would clean up after him, tuck Hailey in bed, and then I would go to bed… alone. It became extremely lonely.