Tags

, , , , ,


This is part of a million page saga that started HERE

 

But this is a continuation from HERE

When it came time for my mom to pack up and head back to the United States I wanted desperately to crawl into her luggage. I tried to be strong. I did. But I know it was so obvious that I didn’t want her to leave without me. Knowing how I was feeling, she cried as she hugged us all goodbye. I watched the planes take off for the next 2 hours as I sat there staring at the runway. Watching time just pass me by.

Walking back into our house that evening, I felt more lonely than I ever had in my life. He went upstairs to play computer and I sat downstairs staring at my two daughters. Faith was unusually quiet, I suppose even she was feeling the somberness of the mood. Hailey wanted me to play bears with her so the three of us headed to their room for some giggles. Well Hailey giggled and I mostly faked it. I was dying inside.

A few days later I had, what I thought was a brilliant idea. I needed a part time job. I needed to get out of the house a few times a week and go be around adults. He could watch the girls while I worked giving him some much needed bonding time. He didn’t object to my idea, so I was set. Looking back I still cannot believe the shell of myself I had become because I was so exhausted from Fighting. Over. Everything.

I got a job as a cashier at the BX on base (the military version of Wal-Mart).  I tried desperately to be open minded. I just couldn’t. There was 3 days of training and 15 videos I had to watch to operate a giant calculator that spits out exact change. REALLY? I worked on K-135 refuelers 6 months ago. Did they not know who I was?  Apparently no one had told them, or warned them… whichever. The women I worked with… were not people I was ever going to befriend. It just wasn’t going to happen. EVER.

About a month into the job, a new girl started. She was 22, cute, and funny… I almost felt shy… I hadn’t had a friend in years. We hit it off immediately. We started hanging out on our breaks and became friends easily. Me having a friend really didn’t go over to well at home. I had a spark in me, that he didn’t have and it wasn’t well received. He also wasn’t adapting very well to watching the girls in the evening on his own.

Advertisements