Three weeks after being back in England… with… “England” I found myself sitting in a chair across the desk of a Chaplain discussing why I thought my marriage wouldn’t work with my wonderful husband (insert sarcastic smirk here). He claimed pure ignorance, he had no idea why I was so unhappy or why I wanted to leave.
I just sat there and stared at the wall. We had to have 2 therapy sessions before I could go back to Florida. I never spoke, just sat and stared. He kept talking about how much he loved his family and wanted it to work out no matter what but he didn’t feel as though he could reach me anymore. The Chaplain turned to me and asked me directly if I thought our marriage was worth saving. I said no. He asked if I loved my husband. I said, “I want to go to Florida.”
I was done sugar coating. I was over playing games. I was tired of feeling crazy, wrong, guilty, not good enough, and lonely. I didn’t care whose feelings I hurt anymore. I had made up my mind. I have found that I may waiver in my decision for a long time on important ones, but once my mind is made up… there is no undoing it. It is what it is. This relationship was done. The Chaplain and my husband stared at me as if I was the most cold calculating person on the planet, but I didn’t care. I was one step closer to Florida.
The next session went the same way, he talked of how he wanted our marriage to work while I sat looking at the books behind the Chaplain. They talked back and forth, I heard every other word as I dreamt of stepping off a plane on home’s sweet soil. It was so sweet the way these two clowns wanted to save a marriage. I am nearly convinced they could have spent many years together happily. Meh. What were they rambling about? For the love of God, shut up. You apparently have no clue what you are talking about. Finally the hour was over and I was free to go. As I walked out, the Chaplain asked me if I was still determined to go back to Florida.
More than ever sir. More than ever.