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Florida was a warm and welcomed change from being in England. The kids had plenty of family to play with and I was learning how to be calm. It’s funny to think that is something you have to learn, but after the last several months down my road… calm was a far off memory.

I think I actually took on the role of the wolf in this relationship... I know destined for failure.

I had been home nearly a week before I crossed paths with the boy next door. But it only took a moment for my heart to become completely wrapped up in him. I had thought my heart was strong and determined but I was actually quite vulnerable and weak.  All the affection and nurturing I had been longing for was poured on me in abundance. I couldn’t get enough of him.

But my divorce papers hadn’t even been started yet, although my marriage had been over for nearly 2 years in all honesty. My parents raged against my relationship with the boy next door. I was acting like a harlot. Under my fathers roof. Just spending time with him was wrong because it was obvious how I felt about him. So now I was moving from being emotionally abused… to emotionally happy…. but a harlot none the less. Sigh. I was ready to scream. I wanted everyone to get the FUCK out of my head and let me decide things without placing stipulations and rules on me. That wasn’t going to happen here, but I couldn’t afford to move out.

Would you please stop questioning my every decision... look what you're doing to my head!!

It would be several weeks before I landed a job and money was something that I only daydreamed about. I didn’t have a nickel. This made me very dependant on my parents and they were great about making sure we had everything we needed. What I really needed however, was for my head to stop feeling like it was going to explode over the decisions I was making. I was sick to death of everyone else’s opinion of my life.

But this is where I differed greatly from my brother and sister. They were both very good at standing up to my parents, actually to the point that I sometimes found them downright rude… but I occasionally envied their ability to do that. I had have a massive inability to disappoint them, especially my dad for some reason. This would make my relationship with the boy next door very complicated nearly to the point of feeling like a 13-year-old with a crush. “Dad, can I go out Friday?” …..”With who?”…..”The boy next door…” …….”ABSOLUTELY NOT. You have kids to take care of, a husband in England, you need to get your priorities straight.”

I became incredibly resentful during this time period…. all while trying to maintain my gratitude for them taking us in. I needed my own place, and soon.

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