Fear is no longer an option for me. Getting these words out of my pencil… shaking them free from my mind…. it has to happen. Let me explain why. My misadventures in life are greatly affecting my present. My lack of faith destroys my hope. My lack of trust destroys my faith. Vicious cycle.
Well I don’t want to ride the crazy train anymore. I have things in my life that are normal and good. Why do I push them? Why test the borders of something that is doing well? Why create controversy in my mind? Why push push push? Because I’m
scared. Scared to lose it all. But I know in the same realm… you can’t win if you never play the game. And I have never been scared to play… just scared to lose. I suppose that is normal to a point. The problem is getting out on the field and playing my best game… without watching the other players or checking the score. It’s not about the score at this point, but solely about knowing I played the best game that I could.
This post may sound like rambling, but I’ve had a lot going on in my world lately. A lot on this plate. Let me make it real clear. I’m not going down without a fight. You hear that SELF????? Cough cough… um…. okay maybe I am bi-polar but hey all the best writers are right? Just nod your heads for me. The story will go on, I will get my stuff together, and I will be a Winner… maybe even better than old Charlie.