Have you ever been afraid to put something down on paper because you knew as soon as you let it go… that would be it? It would in some sense be official… that would make it real?
I’ve been holding on to this hope in my mind that things would be or could be undone, or different somehow if I just didn’t set it down. Didn’t let it go. Carried it around like a fragile baby bird, wishing that I would somehow find a way to make it fly instead of fall.
This dream has taken me and twisted me, until I feel like I am going to snap inside and yet somehow I am left to watch myself ache to the point I feel masochistic. I stare at the little bird. It’s wings too small to fly… and as I am falling I know I must let it go.
Some faint words come to mind of if you love something set it free… but truth is, setting something free isn’t only about love, it’s about being selfless enough to watch someone walk away. Someone that you don’t want to walk away, but you know at this point there is no alternative.
I’m still falling. I feel the reality of fresh anger bite and tear through my flesh. Tears sting my eyes and blur my vision as only you can. I know tomorrow will be a fresh day, the world will go on, as I must. A new path lays ahead, full of more deception, lies, and betrayal I am sure.
I just stand in this place, in this moment… as it all shatters on the floor of my mind.