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Dear American People,

I am writing you to ask that we rearrange some of our holidays to better fit who we are as Americans. I believe it is time to add Super Bowl Monday to our Nation’s list of holidays.

What do we celebrate in January? Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday? I mean really? A dude had a dream of a free world… yea well… America’s pretty much the most culturally diverse country in the world, so let’s move on.

Then in February we have President’s Day. When was the last President’s Day BBQ you went to? Or the last conversation you had on President’s Day, about a President? Dumb holiday. Thanks for the day off.

Now let’s get serious. We add Super Bowl Monday and delete one of the above holidays. Super Bowl Monday allows a recovery day from Super Bowl Sunday. The Super Bowl is the most watched thing on television all year-long. Millions of houses across the country are packed with friends and family and chips and beer.

People should be able to enjoy this event without having to consider work the next day. Think of how this would stimulate the economy! Even more chips, beer, and wings will be sold. More parties, more fun, more shopping to prepare!

I know I am not the only person that hates dragging themself to work after a midnight ending to a Super Bowl followed by an after party. What?! This is America’s game, let us celebrate it! Create Super Bowl Monday and let it become February’s “4th of July” complete with fireworks and Bud Light.

Now write your Congressman,

Respectfully yours,

Xanax

p.s. Anyone offended by what I said about MLK’s b-day or President Day, feel free to write your Congressman about that too.

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