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disney

Oh look, we live in the happiest place on earth. Yay us!

   I work in an office environment around America’s middle class men and women. At two different times a year the office chatter turns to something completely annoying. It’s the time when these smart individuals that I work around turn into DISNEY HEADS. It starts about two months before Spring Break and then again two months before Fall Break.

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“I hate my life. My job. My kids. Disney World. Who the hell talked me into going to Disney World again. To think, I was bragging to my friends last week outside my cubicle about this place. Forget the lines in the park, I can’t even get through the line to park. The kids are eating crayons in the backseat. Maybe they’re toxic. Oh Lord, I am going to hell for saying that.”

When I say DISNEY HEADS, I mean it. Cubicles walls, they just aren’t big enough, sound proof enough, and unfortunately have NO DOORS. I hear about their 12 matching shirts that they have tye-died for each other and their 10 children… and of course there are different colors for each day that they are on vacation. I hear about the ways they will save on all of their food by packing lunches and making sure kids eat a good breakfast. I hear about the Disney Passports and pins how many they got the last time they were there.

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“I want to meet Ariel! I want to meet Ariel! I want to meet Ariel!”

Wait…WHAT? You’ve already drug your children to Disney World and now YOU’RE GOING AGAIN? Are you crazy? The happiest place on earth? You know there are MORE children there right? Kids that aren’t yours? Lines? LONG LINES…. just full of them. And we all know that one ride you’ve been dying to go on for 2 years, it’s still down for maintenance. You’re pushing a stroller, or holding 3 hands, walking 20 miles, looking at exhausted ice cream smudged toddler cheeks. Are you listening to me? I’d rather be at work! And I hate my job!

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It would be okay if that was the line for, “It’s a Small World,” but it’s not, it’s the line for the bathroom and the 6 grubbing hands pulling on your shirt need to “PEE NOW”

Don’t your kids have grandparents? Don’t they love going to Grandma’s House? Immediately cancel your Disney plans, call your parents, drop children off for Spring Break, and go to the Carribbean with that 3 grand you were going to drop standing in line waiting for a mouse autograph. Tell your spouse to ditch the tye-died t-shirt for a bikini (or board shorts) and get your butts out on a real vacation. Your kids will be safe. You will be handed drinks in a coconut. You may even have sex with your spouse without a toddler in your bed for the first time in months! Yea, you know I am talking to you, because it’s you DISNEY goers that still have toddlers in your bed!

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ADULT’S ONLY. THE END.

Anyway… I digress, because I am sure I have offended all of my readers, but the office chatter about renting mini-vans for a discount from Budget and driving 12 hours to Florida to stand in line for a week, makes me want to smack everyone in the nose with a phamplet on Turks and Caicos. Rant Over.

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